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12/27/08

SHERYL CROW

So awhile back Sheryl Crow let it be known in some interview that one of the things she does to reduce her carbon footprint is to only use one square of toilet paper when she drops a deuce. Thanks for sharing that Sheryl. Anyway, that might work well for her... I bet her poop even smells like peaches and cream... for a lot of people, like me for instance, one square of toilet paper just won't do. If I tried to use one square of toilet paper my ass would literally laugh at me. And unless Sheryl has some secret celebrity heavy duty toilet paper the rest of us don't know about, wouldn't her fingers kind of break through with just one square used? That's kind of disgusting.

JERRY JONES PLEASE SHUT UP

I've been a Dallas Cowboys fan for a long, long time. As long as I can remember, actually. I'm proud of the history of the team. Roger Staubach's heroics... Tony Dorsett retiring as the 2nd all time leading rusher... Emmitt Smith retiring as the all time leading rusher... Tom Landry being the only coach they had for their first 29 years of existence. Everyone knows the history that took place when Jerry Jones bought the team so I won't go into all of that. I will say this though... Jerry Jones, please shut up. I try really hard to like you and give you the benefit of the doubt and then you open your mouth. Your latest thing was when all the turmoil was going on between Terrell Owens, Tony Romo and Jason Witten you said, "We love that stuff." Huh? You love all that shit going on and then you lose a game to the Ravens that has put in serious jeopardy your team making the playoffs? Jerry, really... shut the fuck up. Take a lesson from Paul Allen and shut up. Stop talking. I have this fear that in 10 years when Jones is getting senile, he will be reading a letter much like Al Davis of the Raiders on why he just fired his latest coach. Jerry, you're ruining a franchise that had a history you had nothing to do with, but claim as your own. Just go away.

12/21/08

THE CLEVELAND BROWNS ARE STUPID

So everyone knows a few years ago that Art Modell packed up the Cleveland Browns and moved them to Baltimore to become the Ravens. Then a few years later Cleveland was awarded a new franchise by the NFL which they named the Browns. Same name, new team. Here's my problem... the new Cleveland organization as well as the fans and the media act like it's the same organization, but it's not. That team and their history belongs to the Baltimore Ravens. I tuned in to a Cleveland game earlier this season and they were celebrating the history of the Cleveland Browns as if it was their own. They even paid special tribute to Paul Brown, who started the original Cleveland team, naming it after himself, (what if his name would have been Boganski?) Paul Brown didn't even stay with Cleveland. He owned the Cincinnati Bengals. They were even honoring former Cleveland great players. Aren't the Cleveland fans, media and even the NFL deluding themselves and acting as if Art Modell never moved the team and they've been there all along?

THE MEDIA IS STUPID

So yesterday during the big winter storm, I was watching FOX 12 and they were showing some pictures of the area and they showed one where there was snow on the beach and the anchorman said, "And there's a picture of snow on the beach in Long Beach." His partner, Kimberly Maus, who's been in this area for a few years, replied, "It's hard to believe that's Oregon." Kimberly... Long Beach is in Washington. So I guess her statement actually had a lot of truth in it.

12/13/08

ADVENTURES IN GROCERY SHOPPING

So I'm at the grocery store in the cat litter aisle and this lady comes up behind me and is staring intently at the cat litter. We're like three feet apart and she's looking down at the bottom shelf and I'm just standing there staring at her. This goes on for like 30 seconds, so finally I say, "Mom." She looks up completely startled and says, "Chris... what are you doing?" I said to her, "Well I'm in a grocery store and I have a shopping cart with stuff in it... what the fuck do you think I'm doing?" Actually I didn't say that to my mom, but I did think it.